What To Say To A Friend Who Owes You Money
Getting Forth is a column about taking intendance of yourself, setting boundaries, and having difficult conversations, for people who struggle with all three.
Conventional wisdom says that you shouldn't loan money to friends… but anyone who tells yous that has clearly never tried to book an AirBnb for eight people who live in different states, or asked a waiter to split a bill 5 ways. At some indicate or another, you or your friends will owe each other money. Ideally, this will be resolved apace: you will send a Venmo request, they will take, life will go along. But of course, that won't always be the case. In instances where things are more complicated, here's how to handle it.
Follow upwards about the money they owe first, assuming good intentions.
If someone has owed y'all money for ii months, it's easy to get very worked up well-nigh what a bad friend they are. Only so oft, the person has just forgotten nigh the situation entirely, and would be mortified to know you were stressed nearly bringing it upward to them. So give them the benefit of the doubt and arroyo them with an open, neutral tone. If the socially adequate padding of a few days has gone by when you make this enquire, giving them a house deadline a few days out is a nice thing to do. Then you lot could say, "Hey, I'm non sure if you saw my Venmo asking from Mon for the Airbnb, but would you mind accepting that?"
Call out the fact that it's condign A Thing.
If yous've already asked a few times and they've definitely not forgotten almost information technology, you don't need to take them at their word when they swear that they'll pay you back tomorrow. It's totally reasonable to inquire them what their deal is. What to say: "I hate to keep bugging you about this, only I actually need to exist paid dorsum for the drinks from last month. I'm not sure what's going on, only can you merely Venmo me right now?" (A good choice if the conversation is happening in person.) "Hey, when we talked the other day, y'all said y'all'd pay me dorsum on Friday. Nosotros've been going back and forth near this for weeks at present… what'southward going on?" Ideally, the person will be honest with you lot about what is going on—maybe they got hit with some unexpected expenses, or a check they were waiting for didn't go far—and yous can figure out a plan for them to pay y'all dorsum.
If they go on to be cagey almost information technology or blow you lot off, you're absolutely justified in continuing to bug them about information technology. Information technology'southward extremely OK to want your money back! If someone tries to contrivance your asking with a shamey, "It'southward just $20, chill," y'all can say something like, "If information technology'due south only $20, so why won't you give information technology back?" You lot don't have to drop the subject field to go on the peace (or ever loan them coin ever once more).
If you don't agree on who owes what, exist straight, but keep an open mind.
There are a surprising amount of grey areas when it comes to money owed within friendships. (Await at r/AmItheAsshole, where a lot of questions deal with money *mayhap* owed.) Maybe a friend spilled wine all over your burrow and y'all want them to pay to have information technology cleaned, or they decided to become over the agreed-upon upkeep when booking something and you don't want to pay them. Cases like these can exist tricky, but if you approach them in good faith—firm, merely still open and cautious—you're more probable to go what you want (or at to the lowest degree become closer to what yous desire). Here's what to say in some of those moments. If your friend ruined something of yours: "I know you didn't mean to drop pasta all over my top when you borrowed information technology, only it's currently unwearable and I was hoping you could [pay for the dry cleaning/pay to replace information technology/pay one-half of the cost of replacing it]. Thoughts?" If your friend went way over your agreed-upon budget when booking something:
"Hey, we agreed on $75 max for these tickets, not $125. I really wish you lot'd asked me before you'd bought the more than expensive ones, considering I would have said I wasn't OK with that. I'grand going to Venmo you lot for the $75 we agreed on, but I'thousand really not cool with paying the actress. Does that make sense?" If your friend borrowed something of yours ages ago and even so hasn't returned it: "Hey, I know I've been asking nigh getting my leather jacket dorsum from you for a while now, and at this signal, I'm sort of assuming something happened to it and you didn't want to tell me. If that'southward the case, I'd really like to replace information technology sooner rather than subsequently; is it cool if I Venmo request you for the $150?" If you told a friend "Oh, you don't take to pay me!" when y'all agreed to practise them a favor and you now… regret that conclusion: "Is information technology too late to take you up on your offering to pay me for [dog-sitting/photography job/helping you move]? I know I said it was no big deal when we starting time talked about information technology, but I'thou realizing now that it'll exist more [time/energy/complicated/expensive] than I had initially idea, and it actually would exist actually helpful if you were willing to beginning those costs."
If they merely disagree, yous'll have to decide whether it'due south worth pushing the issue, if there's a way to compromise, or if you're OK with only taking the L. You might decide that $25 or $l isn't worth a big to-exercise with a shut friend… but if it'southward an acquaintance who stiffed you, or $1,000 is at stake, that might be an entirely different story. If it'southward part of a bigger design of inconsiderate behavior, or they are being particularly thoughtless, it's absolutely OK to be upset or frustrated, and to not let it go immediately.
If things go desperately, use the experience as data for the adjacent fourth dimension.
Never saying anything is the stuff long-simmering resentments are made of. Having meaningful friendships and living in a society ways occasionally pushing through your feelings of, Ugh, I don't WANNA, and doing things that really suck in the moment. If they react desperately or you lot detect you're on wildly different pages when it comes to money stuff, that'southward nevertheless very skillful data to have! Information technology'south expert to recognize that this friend who you admire in a lot of ways is non a person who you want to book an Airbnb with or lend your clothes to always once more. Sign upward for our newsletter to get the best of VICE delivered to your inbox daily. Follow Rachel Miller on_ Twitter ._
Source: https://www.vice.com/en/article/xgqwy7/someone-owes-me-money
Posted by: rackerswaver1990.blogspot.com
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